I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
