please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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