It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
