Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
