you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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