...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
