he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
