I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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