She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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