benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
