I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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