It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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