I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
