i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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