On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
