guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
