remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
