you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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