I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
