Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
