I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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