He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My penis needs a shock collar
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
