when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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