She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
