I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
