so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
