Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
