ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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