Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
