Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
