Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
