I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
