Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
