just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
