For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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