Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
