woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
