i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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