Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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