we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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