People in love make me want to vomit
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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