Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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