when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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