so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
