I look better un-naked...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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