There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
