Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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