Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
