also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
