The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
