take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
