you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
