I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
