i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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