one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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