Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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