he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
