I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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